Saturday, January 17, 2009

Couple Seeks Wal-Mart Shoppers

I'm telling you, these just write themselves...

First and foremost, if you cannot take the time to read my profile then you prolly wont listen to what i have to say nor respect me, I am NOT interested in daiting a girl AND her man, or being with a girl AND letting your man watch PERIOD, I am looking for a girl for ME AND MY HUBBY, nothing else.
Angry: check. Defensive: check.
I am a 5 feet 1 inches tall and have long long brown hair, brown eyes, and have my belly button pearced.
In the security biz, they would call her non-descript but trampish.
I have a wonderful husband who has brown hair, and hazil-green eyes. He is 5 foot 2 inches tall.
Wait for it...
We been together a year and five months.
Wait for it...
We met in a Wal-Mart parking lot where he was contracted to walmart as a parking lot security patrol officer, thru the security agency he worked for.
OH YES!!! Wow dude, in fifth grade, I was part of my school's security patrol, so I know exactly what this guy goes through, day in and day out.
He looks awsome in his uniform, I'm just glad that out of all the women he met while working there, that I was the one he wanted, and perposed marrage to.
See, there is someone for everyone.
yes ladys he still works in security enforcement. and I am still the reason that he rushes home to be with each night.
Aw, the honeymoon hasn't ended.
I am bi sexual and he is straight and lately we have given caution to the wind and have desided to make fanticys of ours a reality,
Wait for it...
My husband and I had a live in girlfriend for about two months,
YES!! Rock on kinky rural folks!
she was every thing we ever wanted and needed, we took care of her, fed her, supporting her smoking habbit, ect.
Oh. I sense this isn't going well.
while she sat around doing nothing most of the time,
Uh-oh.
and spending the rest of the time flirting with men on the computer,
Ooh...
calling them, and eventualy running off with them.
Zoinks! Who could imagined that a couple's third might turn out be kind of skanky?
we could not take being hurt this way any more,
Kinda like on Big Love, when the husband and first wife have their affair. But not.
and could no longer deal with the fact that she would only call me her girl friend in front of certain people and only called my husband her boyfriend once in our house,
These people actually do want a lot.
but to every one else we were just people she stayed with,
Who had gigantic expectations about her but fundamentally sought to use her as a sexual device.
thus with a painful heart we had to ask her to choose between us or the guys on the computer, and she left.
Shocking!
so now we search for one hot chick to share in the deep love we have for each other and all the bennifits of this deep love (wink wink)
Have you tried getting a puppy? It'll chew all your stuff, but with good training and the right attention, it'll always be yours. Just... Don't have sex with it.
I thought this was going to be a christmas to remember, but now I see no reason to celebrate,
Somebody call O'Reilly. We have a Christmas hater.
the day my girl left, all the decorations came down and were thrown away, just like our hearts were.
Wow... kinksters getting a raw deal. Who could have imagined? But at least they took the time to bitch about it on the Internet so that everyone could share in the mirth. And don't worry about those Christmas decorations. Just have hubby pop into the store at the end of his shift and pick up some sale items. Next Christmas is just around the corner.

3 comments:

  1. I'm so glad Bridget told me about your blog, this shit is hilarious. I LOVE reading the personals, but it's even better with your narrations!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, this is about the most fun I've had writing a blog, well, ever.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, dear. People are SO classy. How come the gays get the bad reputation when the straights come up with stuff like this?! Do you ever check out the Craigslist personals? Missed connections? Casual encounters? Or are you trying to make this blog child-friendly?

    ReplyDelete

Love is...
© The Worst of the Personals - Template by Blogger Sablonlari - Font by Fontspace