Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Worst of the Personals Meta: The Cliches of Dating Profiles

There are certain phrases that are used far too often in online personal ads. I'm pretty sure that if the number of people who self-identify as "laid back" were extrapolated to the actual American population, we would find that we're really living in Canada.

Interestingly, the number of people seeking someone "laid back" probably maps fairly closely with the number of people who identify themselves thus, so how is it that so many theoretically easy to please people are alone?

And what role does "drama" play in the laid back pursuit of the laid back? I have yet to see a profile that explicitly indicates a desire for "lots of drama," but hundreds that want none.

There are those profiles that include an odd hodge-podge of elements. How about this one:

I'm very laid-back and no nonsense, so if you like drama, look somewhere else.
Laid back and no nonsense. This is a complicated woman. Here's one I especially like:
Depends on the individual: If you're a nice person, I tend to be laid back and thoughtful.
Otherwise, she'll kill you.

Then there are those who use these pointless terms to reveal a marked lack of discernment. I mean, who couldn't get laid here:
i'm laid back and super non judgemental.
What she's really saying is, "It would be wrong for me to judge you for not showering. Ever. In your life. Come on, EmoBoy, take off those pants."

Here's a perfect example of why this is crap:
I'm very laid back but very opinionated when asked about something.
If you date her because you're looking for someone "laid back," it's probably best to avoid conversations. About anything. Especially things she cares about, because that is obviously where the "laid back" fails.

See, the problem isn't that people try to communicate that they're laid back. The problem is that in truth, very few of us consistently are. If you see a "laid back" person seeking "no drama," you may very well have located one of the worst of the personals.

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