Headlines to watch out for

Okay, much better now. Thanks for your patience.

You'd be surprised how many times I've seen the headline "Mom says I'm a catch," or something similar in my perusal of online personals. It's funny, sure, but having seen it a few too many times now, I'm starting to wonder if maybe I shouldn't go find mom's ad.

Here's an exceptional example of terrible headline writing:

hi ladies, love to have fun!!!! would love to tallk sometime maybe we can go out .

No caps, excess punctuation, typos, an extra space thrown in at the end for good measure, and an epic grammar fail! Hubba hubba!

From the TMI files:

Don't let the word Cancer scare you away!

Cancer's scary, but "herpes" will really keep the ladies at bay.

Abysmal cheese alert:

If Love Is A Labor, I'll Slave 'Til The End.

So if you're looking for a friendly servant...

Ooh, contentless buzzphrasing alert!

Strong yet vulnerable

So's my antiperspirant! Maybe they should date!

Serial comma blunder! (This is of interest only to myself and possibly a handful of technical writers ON THE PLANET! Get ready for some inside baseball writer talk, yo!)

Live, Laugh, Love and Enjoy

I don't care what your high school English teacher taught you, unless "Love and Enjoy" are a single item, put a goddamn comma in there already.

But the win, without a doubt, goes to this headline:

A hot attractive woman is what I need, with a big heart.

This is like the tuna roll of profile headlines -- perfectly proportioned, concise, nutrient dense, tasty. Everyone's ultimate drean, in a few simple words: give me someone hot, attractive, with a big big heart. Yeah. Good luck with that.