Insane Woman Seeks Enduring Rock Legend.

I got very, very excited when I came across this profile right up until I worked down to paragraph 32 and found that the writer does in fact have a serious disability. Imagine my disappointment.

Still, some of this is GOLD, and I just can't help myself. But I'll spare you the part where she quotes the entirety of John Lennon's "Watching the Wheels." Not. Kidding.

Yes dear friends, I am evil.

I'M VERY UNDERSTANDING PERSON NOT THOSE LADIES ME ME ME ME SPEND MORE TIME UKNOW IF BUT, IF YOU KEPT ON SAYING TO ME I'M BUSY BUSY BUSY THAN WHY U R HERE PICKING UP WOMAN

Believe me, as I peruse these fantastical websites, I often wonder: Why U R here picking up woman? There be better places for woman picking up. Why you must surf and mock so? Climb if you must. Fly if you will.

FOR BUTIF YOU EXPLANE IT TO ME IT OKAY JUST DON'T ME HANGING. IF YOU HAVE KIDS KIDS COME FIRST YOU WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR MAN BUDDIES COOL.

Man Buddies. So good, I just had to repeat it.

BUT, IF U PUSH ME AWAY ALL THE TIME WHEN I'M TRYING TO BE MORE THAN FARE TO U.LIKE MY EXESBOYFRINDS

Cue the Psycho music, please.

THAN I DON'T SAY IT JUST GIVE U A CHANCE BY ME CALLING YOU OR WRITTEN TO U TO SEE WHAT'S WRONG

I'm guessing that it's more than just a single call or e-mail. I'm guessing that it's days of dozens of calls and e-mails.

IF YOU DON'T CALL OR WRITE THAN I'LL BE UR FRIEND IF YOU NEED IT BUT, THAT'S IT.

Whoa -- kick her, then kick her again, and she'll still be your friend! You know, if you want one. She'll be that. I NEED YOU NEED YOU NEED YOU NEED YOU DON'T LET ME GO. Yeah, that's a paraphrase. Run guys, run.