More on Profile Cliches

Used by permission from OKCupid user Bridymurphy:

On Any Given Day... I Don't Like You.

90% of you, including me, have joined this site for the tests that we gleefully post on myspace/face book/live journal etc. to show all of our friends how savvy and funny we are for taking them. Eventually we all signed up out of obligation and realized the potential of a site like this. But through my deductive reasoning I've concluded that: People who sit around doing tests all day are not that interesting. Moreover, you would not want to meet them.

First off, I'm not slamming OkCupid. I'm slamming you. I am sick of all the stereotypical lines you put in your summary. I realize some of you are here for dating but, I think we all can agree that "You love music". Don't be an ass hat. If one of your traits or qualities were different such as "I hate music" I can understand why you decided to let us know about it. If I hear the classic line "I like long walks on the beach..." I'll have seagulls pick your bones. Have you ever taken a long walk on the beach? I for one, walked 5 miles on a beach and I'll never do it again. It's not romantic when you're sweating your ass off, short of breath and looking out before you at what seems an endless amount of sand. I like to go to the beach and plant my ass down preferably with a cold beverage, my i pod, and a good book.

The other thing I can't stand are the summaries that are like: "I love the winter, but I can't stand being cold. I love breakfast, but I'm not a morning person...etc" What are you trying to tell us? you're a cluster fuck of feelings? I don't know if you're trying to emulate When Harry met Sally or not but, neurotic people are not attractive. I realize some of you are still here solely for the tests. Why did you bother putting a summary here? Either you're fooling yourself, or you really think you're interesting enough to share a tidbit about your life- Something I've already concluded is just not true.

Don't get me wrong though, there are some things that I don't like about Okstupid. The questions they ask on your profile to get a better idea of who you are, are not as revealing as asking a question of what you're not. People are so homogenized these days, that yes, everyone loves food, everyone loves music, and everyone loves hanging out with friends. What don't you like to do? "I don't like bondage, I don't like felching, I don't like guys, I don't suck toes... etc" You get the idea. I can weed out a lot of people with a more relevant list of dislikes, I just prefer to shock you. Listing your dislikes can create solidarity with others ie. "You hate Bill O'Reilly? I'd like to stab him in the eye with a ball point pen!" and so on. The Following was a vain attempt to show others some helpful tips and common sense when dealing with other people. If you end up re-writing your profile page, I still don't like you. Because you not only noticed your folly, you listen to what someone else wrote on the Internet. Are you really that impressionable? Oh! there's something you can put on your profile.